So I am extremely lucky to have a boyfriend who has accepted my single-mom life and more importantly my kiddo. BUT for those of you who have not successfully completed my first blog post (Ruled of Mingling) in order to find a worthy suitor, here are some rules for THEM! For those guys who think they can date single moms, we are a whole different breed and I think my man can attest to that!!! So here they are: 1. You are not #1
- Let's just say that this woman is a momma of one beautiful babe. That means you are #2. Twins? yeah..you're #3. Don't like this you selfish prick?? Then keep on trucking and find yourself an insecure whore. :) 2. We are broke! - so I have heard that you are a high maintenance, selfish man who loves to be spoiled by your girl. Well, you have come to the wrong place buddy! So not all of us are showered with responsible dad's child support, so the little money that we work our asses off for is going for food and our lovely offspring! We will however, succeed in the art of homemade and home baked gifts :) Your choice. 3. We can't just come chill at your house when you get off work. - So here we are, single and having to be the sole guardian of this tiny human who cannot fend for themselves. You really expect us to go to school all day, go to work, THEN bring our child over to your house so that they can destroy it and therefore embarrass us moms when your roommate stares at you like you are psycho for even considering dating someone with a heathen. 4. No matter how hard we try, there will always be drama - so along with having children, there is another parent. Whether they are fighting to not see the kid(s) or they are fighting to see them, we are the only ones who have to deal with it. When we speak to the other parent WE DO NOT WANT THEM BACK! We are not with them for a very good reason. It is vital for the kid's happiness for us to have open communicaiton, and it is for my sanity that I can get pictures and phone calls when it is not my weekend. So, you will simple have to get over it. 5. Along with #3, we can't get up and go out when you feel like it. - so there is only two ways that we can go out to the bar or even on a simple date and those are to either A.) plan weeks ahead so that we can beg around for a baby sitter, or B.) make sure it is planned weeks ahead on the every other weekend we don't have our babies. So we know what weekends we have to have every second specifically planned out so that there is not any down time or else we will break down crying because we miss our babies! So if you are not a planner, then BYE FELICIA! 6. We are probably more insecure than non-moms - Not only did our bodies lose all muscle tone, but they got obliterated. Stretch marks and scars on our stomachs, thighs, butts, boobs! Our boobs are not going to look how we want them to because if we nursed our clones then they sucked the life out of us. Literally. So now we feel bad because we will never have those slim hips, flat, toned stomach, perky boobs that all non-moms have and then we have to deal with society's scrutiny all of the time. Try walking around, going to work, and seeing people's reactions to when we say that we have a child and then they immediately look down at our ring finger and see it naked. Let me tell yall, it's not very boosting in any way. 7. We are always tired. - Okay I want you to take 18 hours of classes, work 35 hours a week, be at daycare by 6:00pm, make dinner, do laundry, chase the kid, try to find time to play with the kid before bedtime, trying to bathe them, then doing homework, bathing yourself, going to bed. Then wake up, do it all again and let somebody ask you to go out one night. Bet you $100 that you snap and yell at them! Especially after you tell them no because you are so tired... and they question that!? So..point being, don't date a single mom if you are a night owl. So, my earlier posts have all been rather on the funny/ironic side of motherhood, but these past few days my sweet baby has been extra sweet and loving which makes me miss her even more when I am gone all day. So I just got a new (awesome) job that is the perfect door for me to move up in the company to obtain a career, (btw this is on top of going to school two days a week, 4 classes per day and 2 classes online). So I will be working about 25 hours a week, Monday, Friday and weekends. Yesterday was my first day with this new company. **Side note: her amazing new preschool my girl just got into, has a rule that kids have to by there by 9:45**.
So I took my Belle to daycare, then got to work at 10:15. I had to park in a garage which cost me $10 all day, didn't leave until 5:30, walked to the garage, up to my car, drove to daycare and got there with 4 minutes to spare before I would have had to pay overage fees, which are $15 per minute you are late after 6:00PM. My sweet girl was the last one there and ran up to me and hugged me tighter than ever before and it completely broke my heart into a million teeny pieces. After working all day so that we can have an income, I finally got to fell my baby's arms wrapped around me. This is the bitter sweet moment that happens everyday. That is the hug that I work for, makes everything worth it. But at the same time, that is the hug that I am missing out on all day because I have to work in addition to school. Most families have two incomes so at least one parent gets to either not work as many days, or has weekends free. I have to take my baby to daycare Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7:15am, and get her back at 4:15PM. Then on weekdays I work she gets to daycare at 9:45am and I will get her at 6:00PM. This is horribly unfair to both of us. AND on top of that, I have to find sitters for the weekends that I have to work, and she goes to her dad's every other weekend so I miss all of that time too. Having a child at such a young age is so unfair to both the child and the mother. But at the end of the day, the child has to sacrifice more. More time with each parent, less quality alone time, learning about life. Nobody really knows, except other's in my position, how difficult it is to be a young, single mother. It breaks my heart every day when I have to leave her to the point I want to push back bedtime so I can have another hour to just hold her. AANND on top of all that, I make time for my friends, boyfriend and family. Some days I stop and wonder how the hell I do any of it and still function. There definitely could be more hours in the day, but I do manage to still take care of myself and get adequate sleep. I hope someday, one girl will read this thread and realize to not have sex. I want to help in comprehensive sex education instead of abstinence only, because honestly, that is not realistic. Teens need to know the long term responsibilities that come along with having sex and taking the risk of having an unplanned pregnancy. I promise this is a very rare post of being so serious, but I hope it touches somebody and thank you to all who take the time out to read it! Yeah so, happy late Labor Day!! So this weekend, the offspring and myself spent a night at my parents' humble abode. While there, my mother asked this beautiful child of mine, what the strip of leather that holds her pants up was called, pointing at it, my kid said "pants!" thinking she was so smart like 'hell yeah, duh you old grandma, of course I know what those are...' So my mother points at this leather piece again asking what it is called. My kid said with exuberance "A TRAP!". Yes kid!!!! It is a trap that all women wear on their pants to hold in the fat that we get in our lower stomach after having you eat us alive from the inside and make our skin stretch way beyond what is humanly possible. It is a trap to hold aaalll of that flabby skin in! Thanks. My beautiful, lovely, smart child.
#SaidNoMomEver
Okay yall, so I stumbled across this picture on Facebook. You know the drill, one of your friend's friends likes a picture so it pops up on your news feed.... Anywho, who I saw this and I screamed "UHH YEAH!" While I am at work, mind you. So after I had to explain myself to my coworker, she totally agreed. So for me, college student, mom, employee, the weekend is the only time that I can actually hang out with my kid; but it is also the only time I can fulfill all of those BS chores that are in the pic up top. So what it usually boils down to, is my kid waking me up at the butt crack of dawn, then forcing her to eat breakfast, she soon starts acting up, then forcing her to take a nap, which is a HUGE ordeal. And then the real dilema hits: To nap myself since I have been up since 6am, or do the chores to keep my house from actually looking like a toddler tornado ran through it..... Nap USUALLY win out. Unless I am loosing my mind so I pick up. HHAHA But this is Labor Day weekend so no way in hell is anything getting done!!!! Period, the end! Be safe yall!!! 1. If you ever plan to have a fellow mingler over, be sure to remove all evidence of scarfing pop tarts in your bed with your tot the night before.
2.Stepping on a pre-chewed fruit snack tends to ruin the moment, so be sure to check for those embedded in the carpet while you are at it. 3. If so said suiter, brings adult beverages in attempts to enhance the mingling, do NOT...i repeat do NOT offer apple juice, capri sun or Pedialyte as a mixer. 4. If they offer to take you to Kroger to purchase food to cook your romantic, candlelit dinner together, probably not the best idea to whip out that EBT card. 5. While you are prepping for this mingle sesh, go ahead and pamper yourself to buy some sexy, new 6 for $26 panties from Victoria's Secret. Because those granny panties you wear on the reg are what needs to be the secret. 6. When setting the mood for that candlelit dinner, be sure to swicth your Pandora off of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse station. No man has ever been turned on by "Hot dog, hot dog hot diggity dog." 7. Prior to him making his way over to your said home, make sure it is understood that he must exit the premises by midnight, and no...not because your car will turn back into a pumpkin, but because Section 8 rules do not permit overnight guests. 8. Even though a man is coming into your apartment for the first time since your child's conception, do not con him into fixing every plumbing, electrical and decorative problem you may have endured at this point. And do not even think about asking him to take out your trash. (That is to wait until the 2nd date). 9. Refer back to number 7 and please realize that you could only be so lucky as to have that hoopty turn into a pumpkin (or cleaned itself) by midnight. As far as that man is concerned, your new vehicle is being transported via ship and may happen to fall in the ocean on the way. (a girl can dream right?!) 10. Please do not hesitate to shower, shave and wash that grease out of your hair before trying to impress. You get your money on the 1st, so go ahead and invest in some makeup while your out shopping at VS. 11. For such occasions as this, do not forget to wipe off those lipstick kisses and dry erase messages to yourself all over your house that are reminding you to get over your ex and how beautiful you are. He may get the impression of vanity...which is not sexy to anyone. 12. Also...dirty diapers are grounds for early termination of this mingle sesh. 13. If by chance this mingling moves it's way into a bar or club, keep in mind the last time alcohol hit your intestines has been years (plus 9 months). So after the consumption of 1-2 drinks you may begin to get a bit sloppy. Keep it classy mommas 14. If at the bar, there is a DJ, you should probably not request "I Like to Move it" or else you will make it way too obvious the last time you have been outside of your home. Leave those decisions to the professionals. 15. REMEMBER:: You are up all night to get some, up all night to get lucky. But not past 9pm because you WILL turn into a pumpkin from not sleeping and crash studying the past 6 nights! Because you will end up passing out on him, then nobody gets lucky. And then you have to start back at #1 for a different suitor. 16. Because we do what we want and you need to remember to enjoy the company of another human being, over the age of 6. So have fun and enjoy a night away because you know tomorrow is back to reality and another chance like this is unlikely to come for another few months. |